MY JOURNEY OF SELF AWARENESS
ELAINE MILLER was born in 1940 at Cardiff, South Wales, in the United Kingdom. She married her husband Gordon in 1960 and had three sons. In 1967, Elaine and her family immigrated to Hobart, Tasmania, Australia, where they lived until 1998, before moving to Queensland’s Gold Coast. Elaine has taught, Ballet, Keep-Fit classes and all branches of Yoga, during a period of almost fifty years. She has been an active participant in many sports including baseball, golf, wind-surfing, triathlons and kayaking. She has also run a Keep-Fit School, a Yoga Therapy Clinic and a Yoga Ashram. At present she resides at Burleigh Waters on the Gold Coast with her husband Gordon. Her first book ‘A Guide to Self Awareness’ was published by Poseidon Books in 2003.	In Store Price: $22.00  Online Price:   $21.00 ISBN:1-9210-0523-8 Format: A5 Paperback Number of pages: 184 Genre: Non fiction Also by Elaine Miller A Guide to Self Awareness
Author: Elaine Miller  Imprint: Poseidon Publisher: Poseidon Books   Date Published:  2004 Language: English

Barbara Williams

John and Sandra Stephenson, Burleigh Waters, Queensland, Australia

Introduction  

It is almost like a dream to me, to find myself writing about my journey through life. A journey which was taken as someone who was able to enjoy having nothing; owning nothing; being nothing; while living very simply. Yet, life itself has provided all the material needs, such as a very loyal and supportive family, with a husband who has been both a provider and protector. Life has given me these material tools, plus a family to be with, in order that I could complete my journey through life.

 My journey through life has given me many, many different experiences, which I am about to try to share with you. These experiences have taken me through family life, Yoga Clinics, Ashrams and two trips to India; from the ashram environment back into Society; being involved with clubs and competition; but still the movement of life is bringing changes.

Internal progress has been constant throughout my life. From birth, I was fortunate to have some valuable assets in my favour. For example, I have always wanted to know “Who am I?” and “What is the truth of life?” In addition I have always found that the lessons that life has given, or has taken away, have brought me enjoyment, because I know that they have all been necessary in the process of learning.

There was a satisfaction within myself which was so powerful that any desires for material acquisitions or achievements had no attraction for me. Throughout my life it appeared that there was nothing which could draw me into being involved in anything that life had to offer, and yet I was able to live my life as if I was fully involved, and therefore was able to completely focus on everything that I did.

I saw this as my duty. My nature, being that of service to others, and my duty was to fulfill all work, activities, situations and contact with people, as if ‘in the moment’ for each and every experience. There was no difference between cleaning the toilets and giving lectures, because they are both a service.

I see duty and service in everything, a soldier serves his country for the purpose of maintaining human justice for mankind. A doctor provides a service for the people who are sick. A government body provides a service for the country. Parents provide a service by influencing their children to develop good values because they are the providers of service for the future. The garbage collectors provide services to communities, because without them the other seemingly more important service providers are unable to function properly.

As human beings we are not perfect, therefore I had no dreams of the world changing, but kept my focus on service and duty. It ultimately gave me back fulfillment, and the permanent satisfaction for which all of mankind is looking.

I did not wait for the world to change, knowing each of us, as individuals, are at different levels of awareness, but I tried to follow the humanness of the heart and the individual conscience that is within, my conscience would always let me know what was right or wrong, and I chose to work with it.

I am trying to convey an understanding of this by writing about my own life, my own attitudes, and my own approaches to life, and sharing it with you. Hopefully, you may be able to identify some of your own experiences with those of mine and be aware that there were lessons which could be learned from them.

This process results in the mind projecting itself into the future. 

  
 Attitudes 

My mother told me that she had a spiritual experience when I was born, which she said strengthened her faith in God. My mother believed in God while my father was an atheist, which, because of his experiences during the war, I could understand. I was born five years before the war ended and, although very young, I have lots of memories of the war. My father was a Diesel Engineer and his work was to maintain the aircraft in battle condition on aircraft carriers and at the airfields. Our home base was near St. Athens airfield, Llantwit Major, South Wales, in the United Kingdom.

The airfields were a major target for the Luftwaffe, which resulted in our family witnessing many of the air raids and frequently having to seek cover. One of these experiences was being ‘strafed’ by machine gun fire from a Messerschmitt fighter, when my mother, with my baby brother and myself hanging from her coat tails, was walking down the main street during a shopping trip. There was nowhere near to shelter so we just ran, hanging on to our shopping bags. I don’t know how the bullets missed because they were ricocheting all around us and were so close. On that day and other days, many people were not so fortunate.

My Mother’s sole concern at that time was to protect Mike, my baby brother, and myself. I felt that amazing love experience, especially at the time when death was so close, and when someone was only concerned for the welfare of others. I think it was at this stage that I realized that love was unselfish.

These air attacks were regular, always a lot of destruction, loss of lives, loss of loved ones, but the strange thing was, I could never get elated when an enemy plane was shot down. I would think the pilot is a human being, having to fight in the war, like my dad has to, but for what? Just because politicians said that these people were our enemies we must fight them. What power people give these so called leaders? I constantly remember these thoughts coming up.

At this very young age I could see the conditioned responses, attitudes, power and control, and I did not know whether these leaders were selfless in their decisions. The experiences I had and felt at that time of my life, later gave me the drive to work only with the experience of following the dictates of my own consciousness.

These experiences were everywhere during those five years; caring and looking out for others; so much loss, pain and suffering, yet still there was no selfishness. There would always be someone to help or to be helped. I was very pleased to be in this type of energy where the community had inner strength, endurance and selflessness, even when surrounded by destruction. The people-bonding was true service to humanity, and it gave back the experience of Love, unselfish Love.

After the war ended in 1945, these ‘enemies’ then became our friends, yet there wasn’t any feeling of peace. The feelings of love that had been experienced reverted back to selfishness, and that feeling of being a part of the whole, in the service of humanity, disappeared, almost in an instant.

We had a German neighbour, who had become a prisoner of war; he had lost all his family during the war, so when he was released he decided to stay on in the U.K. I remember him well; he was friendly, lonely, and sad. He used to come along to the gospel singing at the local church.

It was a difficult time for all, but it is not easy to change ones conceptions readily. The powers that be had said ‘these are our enemies’, and then they announce that, ‘hey, these are our friends’, and man follows orders. The conditioning to blindly follow orders is very powerful. If we do have to fight in a war it must be because life puts us in that position, so we must fight without hate, without anger, without malice, and without prejudice, which will keep us in touch with our humanness, and this is the better way to work.

The conditioned state which keeps us locked into the world of dualities, for example, friend or enemy, likes or dislikes, etc., takes time to transcend, and can cause many conflicts and anxieties in people’s lives. This is how it was for our German neighbour; he was treated so badly that eventually he had to move away.

Selfishness came back into the society when the war ended, anger and hatred returned. These conditionings are within us and nowhere else.

The war experience left my dad with a few minor depressions, but life had allowed him to return, almost unscathed, from the conflict. Although my father used to say that he was an atheist he would often talk to me about the stars, planets, comets and we would always end up silent, just watching the night sky. We would both be in a space of awe and wonder where our minds could not go. In my own heart, to me, my Dad was spiritual.

It was after the war that the suffering and misery took over. I am referring to the optional forms; pain is inevitable but misery is optional. Was it because we were no longer working for the good of everyone without selfishness? I wanted to find the answer; I wanted to find the truth of life.

I realized when I was growing up that some people were completely unaware of the influence that their experiences had upon their thoughts and attitudes. Subconsciously, we enjoy listening to gossip and making judgments, and that enjoyment comes from conditioning. In the world of dualities, this brings a feeling of power to the enjoyer.

I was very sensitive to other people’s thoughts even though I did not want to be, because most of the thoughts were so full of rubbish and selfishness. I tried not to know these thoughts, but unfortunately with no success. Then I realized that people themselves often had no idea what thoughts they were having, it was happening at another level outside their consciousness.

Someone would hate another person because they could bake a beautiful cake, yet tell them how lovely it was, or they could be envious because a friend has good looks, yet still pay them a compliment. These thoughts and emotions are consistent with the process of conditioning. We can learn to be aware of the way in which we really think and how we behave outwardly. Any behaviour, such as thinking or feeling requires energy. If these energies are not working harmoniously, there will be no power in the speech, no depth to the feelings and the collective behaviour will have no effect on others, because the energy is dissipated. If the energies are in unity, you will feel a greater awareness. Your behaviour and what you say will merge and have an influence upon those around you. This will occur because your energies are in unity, with the inside (thoughts, feelings and emotions) and the outside (actions) working as one unit. This process allows you to understand the science of ‘knowing the self’ and provides the means to the understanding of conditioning.

Our attitudes have a great effect on ourselves and others. When we look at our attitudes, we will see that we do have choices in this life.

A good attitude produces a good energy, which makes one feel good; it is like working with our humanness, which belongs to mankind. Although we are all individually unique, we are, also, all living our own individual role which contributes towards a unity when working towards the same goal, and that goal is to know or realize truth.

By cultivating and being aware of the importance of a good attitude, it definitely brought a better relationship within me. It brought a feeling, at the same time, of accepting people as they choose to be.  When working with that humanness, it always brings a feeling of knowing that one does not want to be happy unless everyone else can be happy.

Here are a few examples of attitudes that I cultivated in myself at different times. I would only work with one example at a time, and would stay with it until every atom and molecule in my physical body had become that attitude, and that the mind, thoughts and feelings were comfortable with it. It became a system of organizing my energies so that they worked in unity. The intellect is not comfortable with this process because it takes away the control and dominance it normally has over the average person.

As human beings we do have choices over the type of energy with which we choose to work. By following the energy that works closely with compassion, the consciousness within that energy is always in unity, and this can then be called ‘truth’. I was looking for the truth of life and having this unity was essential, because only truth can recognize other truths.

It is easy to be good when surrounded by an environment of peace and harmony, but, if it is truth, then it should also be good in any circumstance which one can find, while living fully in the world, and society, with all its conditionings.

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